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Lonely Bear's Live Den
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10/25/99
Well drove to Boca for an interview, looks like it went well. Have to go back on thursady for a second interview. But on the way home I got a damn ticket. $143.00 ! Ive gone almost 20 years without a ticket and this monring I had to fall for a speed trap! Im so pissed.....Well tomorrow is another day.
10/23/99
Well the job never came thru. I have the Global Men of The World site up.I have a couple of guys Ethan and Latinhard working on it and looking for more guys to do the live cams.
As to myself, well 70 days till the New Year still no one in my life. Oh Ive had some swell guys write Jason in California, a handsome italian in italy, an adorable frenchman in France and a cute Englishman in London. But its rather obvious, they are all very distant and the reality is nothing will likely come of it with such distances involved. There has been a young venezuelan 22, that has been coming to see me at my home and last week I finally did fuck him. It took a while he was pretty tight. But again , he lives with family and can't really comit himself to anything except play with me.
Monday I have an interview, lets see if something comes of it. Other than that Im still alone and longing for someone in my life, looks like the hope of having someone by the New Year is but a hopeless fantasy along with a decent job.
I got my cam working , the image is still not very good but it work periodically. See here Well thats it for now. hopefully better news next time.
9/24/99
Well, still no work, Ive had a good interview two weeks ago assumedly for a job starting Oct1 but Ive not heard from them since. Ill call monday and see if I finally have work. Not to be idle Ive started up a pay site calle Global Men of The World, its a site with a number of young men and their live cams on one site. Of course, Ive gottenm a lot of people (3) accusing me of trying to live off the back of innocent naive young men, but I look at it as a business. These guys are exhibitionists and like using their cams. Ive offered a place for their cams wherein they can make some money , sell their own items and have fun.
Hell if it makes money and grows great, the fact is no one is giving me work and somehow Ive got to make some money. So if the job does pan out this will be a neat sideline. ;-)
Not much else new, so Ill take my leave. Finances still very tight butone must have faith...
" 9/18/99
What a pleasant surprise one of my young friends (28) dropped in about 1am He would have stayed overnight but had a breakfast meeting at 6am, so he couldnt stay. We had a great time its always so nice to see him and enjoy his sexual ecstacy. He is such a great cocksucker!!! He is so nice, those eyes and eyelashes, personality, warmth. Damn, he is so special.Anyway, not much else happening Im smiling this early morning , now 3:45am. Wish I could have the cam working properly, you all could have shared my enjoyment...:-) Well if I get some $$ in I will have it available soon. Guess Ill turn in now. Thanks for visiting.
9/16/99
Well Floyd passed bye, not even a good blow, Id enjoy that. he he. As for work well I did speak with a firm that wants me to start Oct 1, Id be traveling abroad setting up offices for them, first Chile , Brazil.....
About my quest for a lover, well Ive had several people contact me and desirous but then they are either too far or far from what Im looking for. You know what gets me is people that jumped all over me beacause of my stating what I seek in a lover etc. Age, preferences , even color, race. Guys nothing is cast in stone , its really up to you to convince me your the one for me if thats the case. But if your over 35, black , asian, heavily tattoed, pierced , into drugs, alcohol etc. Do not expect me to change my mind or desire. Any more than if I had my mind set on buying a mercedes versus cadillac....You may get mad at me because its what you want but Ive been there done that and DO NOT WANT IT, so please dont get on my case because of my personal preferences. Ive already had a couple of people get on me calling me everything from a racist to limiting my options. SO? Im not a racist and Ive limited my options for optimum results and not wasting my time. Thats called efficiency.
Any way it doesnt matter, someone is out there for me and he and I are a perfect match Im hoping to meet him. Ive got the web cam working but the pc just doesnt have the guts. Needs more ram and a new vid card with 4mb.
Anyway, thats it for now way warm , going to shower and relax.
8/19/99
Well not much going on transferred the site to my domain adusa.com, so you may find some changes in that regard. ALSO hey if your married, bi with a commitment or in a relationship. PLEASE dont contact me, Ive had two bad situations by partners contacting me and I dont need that . work, sucks not good. Im trying to create a new venture See it Thas it for now not much has changed inb my life.
7/31/99
Still no phone access, lines still down they are trying to get the circuits working but claim it may be Monday the 2nd now......arrrrgghhhhhhhhh
7/31/99
Well its 12 noon and the phone is still out , phone company says will be working by 6pm EST. Yeah right, seem not only did some ciscuits got blown but some some cables got cut too. Oh well patience. Im going to try some new idea, how about sending letters for people anonymously concerning things youd like to tell them but are too courteous not to. See what its about here Participate!
7/30/99
Well after 2 months of waiting for this firm and three interviews, I got the usual response about the job- no response at all. SO Im still out of work and nothing much has changed except my frustration. This past Sunday my friend Mark came over he is 25, bi very handsome, has two girlfriends and very nice. Loves Harvey and even tried to sit on him, OjO, a very pleasant surprise, maybe next time he will get past the head ;-)
Well, I still dont have a permanennt lover or anyone permanent in my life. Things just have not resolved themselves. So many things to get straightened out, my car is having transmission problems and tonight seems the alternator is on the fritz, can't be the battery its not even a year old. And its sooooo fucking hot, wow. So hot the squirrels out side are blowing on their nuts to keep them cool. I did go to the VA Hosp this am for a regular check up, my blood preassure was slightly up- well its probably from not sleeping last night. It is weekend of July 31 - no lover, no job, no income, no prospects, no support and mounting problems from car, home to; well, one keeps trying and hopes for a solution sometime. But I expect to be alone again ;-(
DAMN when I went to upload this page, the phone went dead, no dial tone. I called the phone company from my car, surprise there is a circuit out and they hope to have the phone lines up by 6am tomorrow. CHRIST! it just seems to go on and on, the heat and the set backs. I really try to keep cool in all aspects but man this is getting old, Im old and so in need of someone special.;-(
7/13/99
Not much going on, barely getting along here. Hot as hell, only one A/C works in my house now. Did have a young friend over saturday, we had some much needed fun. It was most enjoyable and relaxing. Hope he decides to visit again, kept saying he liked my big arms. Harvey awed him a bit, would suck him but no way wanted to be fucked by him ;-(
Nothing on the job front, going on a third interview for a same firm next monday the 19th. Hopeful but not expecting anything concrete. The disappointments have been so continuous. My ISP has offered to host my domain and 100mg web space + 5,000mb monthly downloads for $37.90. Its costing me 62.40 a month now with all the extra download charges. So I may be having to change the url addresses. It would be more economical and allow for more material BUT I need money to keep it going. Hopefully I get this job.
The other issue is I stil owe Uncle Sam $628.90 due the 11th of August, and my cars transmission is on the fritz. Plus there are so many repairs needed in my home etc. Ugh, I really need a steady job, income and stability. Seems all has gone to hell. A lover would be nice too.
Well lets see how the rest of the week unfolds. Im trying like hell but doesnt make me any younger.
6/25/99
Well, Its been a while, so I should update this file. Here goes. Still looking for work, real bummer, close though; one firm has had me in for three interviews, we will see if I get it. Drove to Orlando for another interview but still havent heard back, but surprise when I got back my car acted up, bottom line has transmission trouble estimated repair cost $1,400.00
Then of course Uncle Sam also sent me a surprise bill $628.00, seems an employer last year didnt take out the tax and now Im stuck with it. Guys Im still waiting for something good to happen!!!!
The vid cam is still out, need to buy a videocard to get it working again. Robert didnt save the driver for the card and when he got everything working again the card wouldnt work and we havent been able to find the driver for that card. OF COURSE!
Ive been able to keep the web site going but barely , I owe 40.00 from last month so far Ive not been cut off. Im trying like hell, it hasnt been a picnic.
As for the good fun, an old bud, young pilot and college student has been dropping in and weve enjoyed one another as usual. Also a young italian down in Boca dropped in for a session with Harvey , it was fun. My friend MArshall and his lover, live close to him and plan to get together this weekend. Other than that not much else is new.
I have been working on a couple of small projects and they seem to be coming along but no $$$ so far, bummer. I can't wait to start working so I can get things back in shape and live a decent life again. Please drop a note to me and say hi.
5/13/99
Did a lot of walking today. To my bank and then to pick my car up. I can't believe how bad things have turned out. I did manage to pay some bills but the utilities two months past due $80+ is due the 19th and the phone also two months 174.00 past due is due the 20th. I just don't have the money. Much less to pay for car insurance and some other small bills.
Well Ive made an appointment to meet with the Mayor, Im going to lay out all my situation before him and see if he has any suggestions or job recommendations. My only alternative is to shut the place down, put all my stuff in storage which will also cost, move in with one of my sisters, look for work in their area and sell the house. I can't even cover the yearly taxes on it now.
My ISP shut me down yesterday, I soft spoke them and I should be up maybe this evenning till the next hit. It cost me 65.00
There comes a time when you have to decide if the life your living is worth it. And what I have now is no life at all, Im worried 24 hrs a day about bills bills, bills. Scared to ansewer the phone or open my door. That is no live nor one I had planned for myself. The Mayor just called and he will see me at 10:30 am tomorrow. Lets see what happens.
My other sis called she will cover the other bills city, phone and insurance. This is great except the problem remains and all will be back next month unless I get solid work. They all want me to sell my home and move up with them . not something Id like to do but with a yearly $2,000 tax bill and upkeep I can't afford. May not be a bad idea.
5/12/99
Well yesterday I went to an interview went no where. Today my car was repoed, missed 100.00 payment and they collected it, deamding full payment $1,125.00 I owed 600.00 they charged an aditional 350.00 for the repo, 75.00 for towing and an additional 200.00 interest. My sister is pulling the money together, Ill give her the title to the car. I have no choice.
To say things are bad is an understatment , I can't get a roomate, work and I am broke. All my utilities are due the 20th and I have no money. Looks like Im going to have to shut the house down and all Im doing and go live with relatives in hopes of getting work and money. I dont know what else to do. And Im tired of trying. Bye
5/9/99
Well, the week was not fruitfull, no job or prospect, the ISP sent a bill for $65.00 for the months excess download bandwidth due on receipt, so Ive gone from $25 to $65 as a result of increased vistors to the site + the monthly service. Then friday Uncle Sam sends me a bill instead of a refund I was expecting, seems my employer last year did not pay federal tax on my salary so now on top of everything else Im liable for it + interest. The truth is that Im really at a loss as to what to do next. Its obvious no money is going to come in by 5/15 which means the site will be shut down, but worse with no work, unemployment all my utilities will be shut also, my car insurance and car etc etc.....Not even a roomate has made inquiry nor any one even asked to have me make them a webage. I must really be an unlikeable and unworthy person on so many counts.
4/30/99
Mail man brought me letter from Unemployment - claimant quit due to dissatisfaction over wages. Duh, nothing about not being allowed to do my work. But bottom line No $$ from Unemployment, No Income, No work, Bills accummulating. Things are going to be hell come next month. Several offers no replies, rejections and panic setting in.
Add to that a new friend that was coming over, stood me up , says was scared and will I give him another chance. And another handsome really nice young man in UK wants a serious relationship and Ive tried to explain that with my present financial circumstances its not fair to him. . Im batting zeros all over.
Add to that I had my foot operated on yesterday too. Oh what a fucking week. My resumes are out all over the place and the rejecytions are coming in right and left. I feel like screaming to the top of my lungs.
Maybe next week will be better.
4/27/99 Afternoon
Got two promising calls One from a major Intl Hotel Chain asking for me to be their Franchise and Bus Dev Mgr . Then I got a call to be Project Dir from a Telecom firm. Its hopefull if nothing else. Also a local chap called wanting to visit with Harvey. That was nice too. Maybe I'll see him tomorrow.
4/27/99
Well, guess one of my creditors is trying to have me served. A off duty sheriff showed up at my door at 7am but I did not answer. I must surmise he was there to serve me. Last sunday, a lady I didnt know showed up at my door, again I didnt answer. Didn't know her and never have people coming to my door unannounced. Then the week before two cigar smoking guys in a black bronco showed up at my door again questionable. So I guess someone is very anxious to have me served or Ive become paranoid. I know my finances are very bad and with no present work or unemployment hanging on isnt easy. The next thing to go will be this site unfortunately but when you can't , you just can't. Im trying to see if I can get something in the way of work.
Unfortunately, things do not look good for me on the job front. Getting old is soooo frustrating no matter how qualified.
4/23/99
Well, another day nothing new. I see Richy from PuppyCam is having another birthday and is depressed. Boy!! can I empathize. My next birthday comes in June, nothing is planned, no close friends to spend the day with and very alone is how I feel. Seems of late no matter what I do I can't get ahead. Even my own site, I question how long it will be up because I can't handle the costs but that too seems will have to come to pass.
I wonder if I will ever find someone that gives a rats ass and really wants me but hope springs eternal eh? Oh well, Ill do some laundry and cleaning today.
4/22/99
Well nothing of major import has taken place bit by bit Im getting some of the
pcs fixed but without $$$ its very slow go. Lots of bad news on the work front
and bills but I just have to deal with it. Rusty was over this afternoon and
wanted to get fucked out side by the jacuzzi so we had a nice time, Jay 33
5'7" 150 8" came bye alos but right after Rusty left, just missed each other
by minutes. we will have to work the logistics better next time. He he.
4/8/99
The week has been soooooo slooooowwwwwww, I decided today to drive down to
Miami and lay around the pool
at CBC watching the nude handsome guys laying about and in the steam room, WOW
was Harvey enjoying himself. Anyway it was a nice change of pace and worth
the hour thirty minute drive down. Hope several of the guys will be around
this weekend for a little jacuzzi fun.
4/3/99
Easter Sunday, was up at 5am, considering I never went to be. Took a walk on
the beach watch the sun cuming up, ran by the post office for mail, stopped
at Dunkin Donuts. Called my Mom wished here well as my sisters and their
families. Other than that I spent the day alone and kept busy.
3/28/99
Well my bud Rusty was over thursday and we had a nice visit. He is so live
and sexual. Does so want to do a threeway, but I enjoy having him to myself ,
he, he. Have been contacted by some nice new friends in the making Dave, who
is up north (hohum, all the good guys are always so far away) and Greg who
is but 30 minutes away and wants to get to know me and play. He is real nice
5'10" 170# very cute and fit and a bottom too, well he is really sweet. Im
looking forward to "meating" him
Im working on two projects hopefully one will take off and my financial income
concerns will be lessened but the fact is. Doesn't look like now a days anyone
will give me a "job" the age issue keeps being the sticking point , so I have
to make my own job and income, the preassure is on.
Some things are going to have to take a back seat, the jacuzzi repairs, garden
and some other things I need to get done. Its an issue of money of course, like
the website and cams etc. Any way, if things are meant to be they will be resolved
no sense worrying about it. But one can't ignore it either. Have to try to
keep at it everyday. Maybe a roomate or lover will be off in the immediate horizon
One never knows. But the truth is one has to fend for oneself and not hope for
things which could be. Got to make it work on my own.Well so much for today. My
thanks to Rusty, Dave, Greg , handsome 21 y/o in Montreal and an 18y/o in Holland
who made me feel great this week. THANK YOU! As well as my best bud Mikey in NY.
3/24/99
Wednesday, well had a complete physical today. Hey everything works, My
blood preassure, prostrate, all is A ok, have an ingrown toe nail and that
will be dealt with this coming week. SO I am physically fit ready for that
young stud that wants me and yes of course have to find out what Im going
to do with myself for work next. My spirits are good and Im trying a few
things I wanted to do, so we shall see. Having lunch with an old friend in
Boca tomorrow (not gay) other than that, life goes on.
3/20/99
Monday I will be resigning from where Im working. Hard to do when you need
the income.It simply isnt working out, the owner may know their business but
lacks common business sense and marketing capabilities. As a person brought
in to change this and with the owner refusing to make the changes, its
impossible to do get things on track especially when she takes it upon herself
to cut one's salary in half making it almost below minimum wage scale. In
effect I would be better off sitting at the beach collecting unemployment than
working 40 hrs unable to do my work and watching the firm go down the toilet.
So come monday morning. I have to speak to a few people about possible work
and then go and resign. Things are going to be rough as though I haven't had
a bad year last year already.
Well My tech has been fixing some of my pcs, got the printer working again !
And the new scanner. Nothing on the garden, jacuzzi. Guess its for the best
as the money isn't there. My love live NIL. My frustration level way up there.
I need someone in my life guys. Someone to talk with and enjoy.
3/13/99
Well where do I start? I ordered the cam extension cable but hwne I called
the firm they said they will only accept a credit card, no checks, mo or
cash. Id mailed a check hasn't been returned yet. Looked all over today for
it at CompUSA, Office Depot, RadioShack and Circuit City. No luck. The
tech is coming over at 3pm today hopefully Ill have my server, printer,
scanner and other units working again. Thats the good news. The bad things
at work has not improved, business is down and Im starting to look again
because I have a feeling it will go under. My fingers are crossed. An old
friend contacted me via e-mail after 8 years was a pleasant surprise, its
nice to renew old friendships.
Thursday, Friday and even today Ive been a bit under weather primarily
because I took too strong a pain killers and its tore up my stomach, Ugh.
Been hearing from you all, nice things and some nice offers BUT still alone
here needing a shoulder to lean on. I asked for bids on the garden, jacuzzi
and sprinkler system. The gardner called but never has shown up, and the
others inspite of calls for bids "Nothing, Nyet, Nada, Zylch" Christ what
a world we live in.
Well my friend Marshall sent an email today to say hi, havent seen him in
a while now, seems he's become distant though 30 minutes away. The rest of
you Bearfur, Chuck, Tino, Chico, Marco, Boy et al, that have been ICQing and
saying hi Thanks. If I don't say it enough , much appreciated.
If anyone is local and would like to explore being on my cam regularly drop
me a note. Well thats it. Till next time, keep smiling, be happy and play
safe guys.
3/7/99
The cam page is now set up but until I upgrade my PC's and connection its
going to work sporadically, so I don't want to get anyones hopes up. Its at
http://www.nettaxi.com/citizens/LBR.htm
So if you get a chance check it out and tell me what you like or don't like
about its layout. Its Sunday , day of rest eh? Im taking a walk on the beach.
Have a great week.
3/6/99
Wow, this year is going bye fast! Its March already. Well work is going well
but still need more income. Ive added some new sponsors. Hopefully it will
help a bit, so I can get my equipment upgraded and repaired so my cam can
function properly and you guys can watch me more often. I ordered a 12ft
extension cable for the cam, will allow me to show my bedroom and the
livingroom.
Ive got some repairs being quoted about my place , I hope to have everything
in place for April. YEAH! Tony in SanDiego has been keeping in touch such a
nice warm person and Chuck in NZ has been keeping in touch pretty regular. Now
has his own place and plans to get a cam soon so we can watch each other hmm.
Heard from an old very good friend after 5 years, rather surprised me but was
nice to renew old friendships. Life goes on, Im trying like hell to get all
back in order but it will take time. Meanwhile I sure wish someone would enter my
life and be with me to make it more enjoyable. The no commitment sex buds are
fun and all but I sure would love a permanent lover, sigh...
Lets see if next entry makes it all smiles....Drop me a note, say hi and
keep in touch , if cuming my way, plan on stopping in. A hug maybe more? ;-)
2/25/99
Well I had created a vid cam page and set it up at Fortunecity.com but
today I was told they removed it, reason "Nudity". Go figure. Anyway Im
trying to set it up now at nettaxi.com, but so far have not been able to
upload the pages, (doesnt speak well for accessibility). Not much going
on with me. Still alone, looking and working at new job to cover basic
bills. Not much else is happening with me. Trust your doing well ;-)
2/9/99
Well guys not much has happened of late, been working hard, have had some
very nice folks writing, Chuck in Australia, what a honey he is. And Bob in
California, Ill be seeing more of him in May when he gets over here for a
visit. We have been video conferencing a lot. He is 33, has a great bod,
loves sex , enjoys being bottom sometimes (I should clarify , he is not
all about sex, he is a hiker , writer and more), I wont even mention
his beautiful cock, he he (just did). we've had some fun times over the vid.
Did meet a nice handsome man called Russ, but looks like his interest was
short lived, made me feel a bit un appreciated but one must expect such
things but its still a heart break one must expect when exposing oneself
like this to others. My other friend who auditioned for roomate is still
cuming around for more auditions
Im looking to start up in April sat afternoons the jacuzzi parties if I can
get it repaired in time. The weather should be improving by then and I do
hope to have some steady reliable friends for mutual enjoyment if they are
willing. Still no roomate or permanent lover (how disappointing) I keep
getting older guys wanting me for a partner, when I have expressly stated
what I want, I feel so bad saying no, because I know very well how that
rejection feels.
Im starting a lil aerobics and exercising, I want to make sure I don't
end up looking like a blimp plus Ill feel a lot better. Sure wish someone
was really serious about wanting a LTR with me as Ive asked for or someone
I can rely on for some weekly fun. A local 19 year old wrote me wanting
someone with experience to fuck him, when I suggested he visit my web pages
before hand, he got scared off (too bad Clint, would have been fun, no
strings, maybe he didnt know what a bear was!).
Well its 6 am, I should shower and get going. I did add some nude vid feeds
for those that would like (but they are what I like not bears) - Guys why is
it that I say I want a cub - not a bear and its bears that want me when I
seek fit younger guys. Did I not express myself properly? wow... well its
another day in life, lets see how it goes and I fare.
Haven't seen my steady fuck buddy Steven, he has two jobs now so its difficult
to get together, he is one obliging 24 year old even if he looks like a cute
member of the Green Bay packers
1/17/99
Well the first 17 days of the year have started , have my first paycheck
from the new job, won't get rich at this rate , ha ha but its paying the
bills. The work is enjoyable and in my field so no complaints and the
environment is pleasing. But Ive not had much time for myself or to explore
for new interests. Its been all work and no play. Sure need someone in my
life to spice it up. Plus I need a sexual release too, still no lover or
new roomate in the horizon. Bummer, Im available, you guys have my email,
pager and ICQ. So if your fit under 33 and want a bear....here I am. Well
not much going on , nothing on TV another VanDame movie. Guess Ill close
for now.
1/1/98
Wow , what a year 1998 was! No just bad finances, health but a lonely one.
Still no one in my life but looking. I start a new job 1/4/99 , and I have
met some wonderful friends in 1998, some more adoring than others but all
wonderful people. I really enjoyed chatting with everyone New Years Eve it
was sooooooooo nice. Now if I can just have that special someone 1999 will
be one hell of a year!
Considering offering some bears for sale on the site
to help with its costs. Checking sources. Thats it for now. Lots of well
wishers and very nice guys writing. THANK YOU!
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