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Lonely Bear's Live Den
A Proud Member of the Alternative Connections
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12/15/99>
Well its the 15th, 10 more days to Christmas, Im surprised to find my site still up. Monday at 2am I ended up in the Emergency room, seems Ive pulled a back muscle and it hurts like hell. Ive been given some muscle relaxers and pain killers, and I must admit I feel like Im in la la land, Still notrhing has happened, sure hope the coming year is better. No lover, no roomate, no interested friend in my life I can be with. Everyone is so far away. Just wish I could have someone in my life that really wants to be with me. Bought a lotto ticket for tonight , $77 million pop, Im sure its an exercise in futility but why not try. Guys Im still available..
12\12\99
Well, here it is sunday only 13 days before Christmas.Guess, I didn't win the $60 Million Lotto, RATS. Tomorrow I expect my web pages won't be accessible as I was unable to pay the excess download page fees of $287.00 or the quartely fees of 149.95 for the services. In effect, I doubt Ill be able to cover this months utilities. To say things are bad is an understatement. This will not be a very pleasant Christmas, Ill be spending it alone and away from loved ones.
Ill get things going again once Im able to cover basics and these costs. All it required was for people to use the sponsors and services But everyone has their own commitments and its understandable. In any event, chin up and optimism for the next week.If Im not online I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May they be better than mine , full of cheer, happiness and lacking stress.
I will have my dial up access. I will be able to be on my webcam via http://www.camarades.com/userpage.php?resource=944618359 and with ICQ you will be able to chat. Anyway not much to say here. I doubt at this stage in December any work will show up, so I'll have to grin and bear it ;-)
Send me a card to my address:
It would be greatly appreciated! Anyway Id best cut off now to insure I get this uploaded. Take care my friends, wish you all the best.,P> 12/7/99
Saw an old friend yesterday, I hadn't seen in 8 years. Called me up asking me for some help which I was more than willing to give. He has been with his new significant other 8 years now lives 5 minutes away. Well, it was nice seeing him and getting a nice warn feeling.
Nothing new with me, Im thinking of making some changes to myself, starting by losing weight dropped 6 lbs this past week/ Ill start working out step master, situps, walks wish I had someone to do it with. Don't know what to do about my looks. Losing my hair not much I can do there. If anyone has some suggestions or comments. Id sure welcome them.
More and more looks like Ill be having a solitary Xmas and New Years. My site will probably be down come the 12th until I can come up with money to cover costs. So guess thats it for now. The day is overcast, cool feels nice..
12/5/99
Thursday afternoon friend was bye, how pleasant. He is 21 never been with a guy and wanted to do everything at once, ha ha , how eager. Very enjoyable
Later that evenning, my friend Ed 24 venezuelan dropped in and we had a nice evenning cuddling in bed and playing as the weather was rather cool that night.
Friday, I went for my medical check up. Dr said my blood preassure was high and I obviously was under stress, gee, I wonder why? But overall ,I had a clean bill of health as usual.
Saturday morning, I took the drivers class , required due to the ticket I got for speeding, 70 people, went bye fast and its over with. At least my insurance rate won't go up. One thing that kind of got my goat were two elderly gentlemen that asked about how I got my ticket and commented "the police should give us retired guys a break" - gee did I feel old at that instant......
Well, its the start of a new week, nothing has broken. The bills are looming over me. Likely Ill have to shut down my site till I can handle the costs. I really don't have many options. I wish, I had a better outlook in life right now but looking around I have to wonder, I see in my garden trees dying that Ive had for years, the house is needing repairs, even my car. Seems all around me is falling apart as is my life....hard to stay cheerful, happy and content when faced with a solitary life and present circumstances. Oh well, lets take it one day at a time and see how it all ends....tomorrow is another day afterall
If anything, I wish I had someone in my life and a course of action. Seems of late I can't get my ducks in a row or something positive would be happening.
12/1/99
Well December is here, Im still sweating bullets about finances and not having anyone in my life....You know what My Xmas wish is for
11/30/99
Its late evenning, everything is pretty much quiet. I got some emails from old friends which stirred some nice memories and promptly brought me back to the reality of my situation. Needless to say I went into a deep funk inspite of trying to amuse myself with TV comedy shows etc. Unfortunately didnt work too well, don't want to be hard on myself or down on myself. But its kind of rough keeping to myself and not having anyone at least to talk to and vent.I think tomorrow Ill get up real early go sit on the beach and watch the sun come up. It should be a welcome change.
Maybe IO can manage to even get some much needed sleep tonight too.
11/30/99
Visited the ISP this am. Bottom line Im stuck with the $287.00 billing but managed to dismiss the November exceess fees by changing the account to a commercial account will cost me $149.50 every quarter and Ill have 7gigs versus 3 gigs download. But now I have to come up with $287.00 and $149.50 by the 16th. Oh this is going to be one hell of a Christmas for me. Im trying to figure out how to come up with this cash.
Ive got one private vid performance. THANKS! $50.00 every little bit helps!
11/27/99
Well here it is saturday, I didnt mentioned that during the week a "friend" came over we had a pretty good time and he really got turned on to Harvey. But Ive not heard from him since, hasnt even responded to emails. Im so feedup of people that are phony and just out for one thing under the guise of friendship and more. Im feeling pretty low and now with the Holidays just about upon me and my financial situation not having changed , its real hard keeping in good spirits. Dec 3 I go for a medical check up and Dec 4 I have to take a Drivers course for that speeding ticket.
I ll make a run to the post office in a bit, get out of here for a bit. Other than that I need to keep myself busy today working on some of my projects. Lets see how the day develops and what the week brings.
11/26/99
New surprise, my ISP got my site shut down because they did not send on the
bill from Network Solutions $35.00 to me for the yearly update of the domain
name. I managed to pay online direct to INTERNIC and get my sites going again.
Monday Im going down to talk to the owner of the ISP and raise hell.
I guess the New Year plans will be cancelled not enough people have replied
and with the unexpected bills above I can't afford it. Ill be ushuring the
new year in alone much like Thanksgiving.
Thats about it for now.....lets see how the rest of the weekend fares.
11/19/99
I guess when it rains it pours, thats how the saying goes. My new ISP sent me a bill
for $287.89 for excess web page transfers during the month of October. Of course I
have to contact them and dispute this and see what can be done. But its excessive. I
already pay them $59.98 for three months of dial up and $59.98 for three months of
web hosting. Now an additional $287.89 a month!!! No way....
Amyway Ill leave it for monday , Ive had enough stress today. I think Ill be
staying off line for a bit. I really need a good job.
11/12/99
Well, here we are in November and nothing has changed for the better. My Venezuelan
friends brother fell asleep at the wheel a couple of weeks ago on I95 and he died
Sunday. Poor Ed is really distraught and of course Ive not seen him. Josh apparently
was all talk, I never heard from him again inspite of his plans to come down and spend
the night etc. Story of my life. I keep saying things will get better but they just
dont seem to. Ive added a few things to my gift page hope some of you will use
it for your gift giving source
I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving with friends and loved ones. I will most
likely be spending it alone enjoying a feast of chili dogs and some TV fare. Anyway
thats life, maybe someone out there who fits my parameters will eventually come
into my life and make it a happy existance for a change.
Im going to try and have a lil New Years get together. Under my circumstances
it seems ludricous but just the same I have to look ahead. Here are the details
if in Florida and meet the specs , maybe youd like to join in. A
New Years get together.
Well thats about it if interested in Surveillance equipment and protection devices
check this page. Well thats it for now. Till next time.
Be good to yourself, live life with gusto and enjoy it.
10/28/99
The job didnt pan out , they didnt call me for the 2nd interview nor even the courtesy
of a callback. So be it. Then my bedroom PC crashed big time, Moved the cam to my computer
room. My venezuelan friend wants to come over sat afternoon. Sounds cool to me.
Nice to fuck someone instead of all the fucking Ive been getting lately (not
literally) Got a very nice email from Josh up the coast , he sounds very nice
and fairly local. We will see what his interest is. Butr he sounds like a
real nice guy. Another friend in California has been writing me but he is very
enigmatic. Sounds nice but way too enigmatic at present for me. Well not much
to say. Life really sucks right now but its got to get better! Ill play with
the cam this weekend. Oh yeah my ISP went down from 3pm yesterday till 12:45Pm
today. I hope it stays up over the weekend. Guys write me Im really in the dumps.
10/25/99
Well drove to Boca for an interview, looks like it went well. Have to go
back on thursady for a second interview. But on the way home I got a damn
ticket. $143.00 ! Ive gone almost 20 years without a ticket and this
monring I had to fall for a speed trap! Im so pissed.....Well tomorrow is
another day.
10/23/99
Well the job never came thru. I have the
Global Men of The World site up.I have a couple of guys Ethan and Latinhard
working on it and looking for more guys to do the live cams.
As to myself, well 70 days till the New Year still no one in my life. Oh Ive
had some swell guys write Jason in California, a handsome italian in italy, an
adorable frenchman in France and a cute Englishman in London. But its rather
obvious, they are all very distant and the reality is nothing will likely come
of it with such distances involved. There has been a young venezuelan 22, that
has been coming to see me at my home and last week I finally did fuck him. It took
a while he was pretty tight. But again , he lives with family and can't really
comit himself to anything except play with me.
Monday I have an interview, lets see if something comes of it. Other than that
Im still alone and longing for someone in my life, looks like the hope of
having someone by the New Year is but a hopeless fantasy along with a decent
job.
I got my cam working , the image is still not very good but it work periodically.
See here Well thats it for now. hopefully
better news next time.
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